The Privileged Life: Infertility

IMG_5833“…For I will turn their mourning to joy, will comfort them, and make them rejoice rather than sorrow.” Jeremiah 31:13

Today brings one of the harder blogs I’ll write. My goal, however, is encouragement…if you’ll hang in there with me to the end.

This afternoon, I cleaned out our bluebird house–my dad’s handiwork and a sweet memory for me (he passed from this life into heaven two years ago). We’d had two bluebird couples this summer, and it was time to empty out the nest trash and make it ready for next spring. I pulled out a large cubed chunk of carefully intertwined grass. No eggshells on top. But, I wondered, was there another nest underneath?

When I pulled off the upper layer, I found them. Four perfectly formed bluebird eggs. Never hatched. Buried. Dead before arrival.

It really hit me with a gut punch. I’ve struggled with infertility in the past, thought I was past the hurt, but this was just too sad. I had watched and photographed the first bluebird couple as they busily and merrily built this nest. They must have waited…and waited…never to see their younglings.

There’s no way to know the cause. Was the bluebird house too hot? Was there something wrong with the eggs genetically? Why would God deprive these beautiful creatures of children?

Many similar thoughts plagued me when I was going through a season of infertility nearly 30 years ago. So what have learned since then? If I still don’t know the whys, what do I know now?

I have learned that God is sovereign, and His ways and thoughts are far beyond ours. He is a loving God who only wants the best for us and has good plans for our future. He allows sorrow and tragedy for reasons only He knows. He is good, all the time…even when we can’t see it, even when life doesn’t give us what we want.

Also, I’ve learned it’s okay to be angry at the loss that comes with death. It’s okay to grieve a vanished dream. It’s okay to say, “Why this? Why me?”

But, if life were without pain, when would we ever crave the presence of the Creator who wants to be our all-sufficiency? Why would we run to Him? If everything on earth were perfectly happy and to our satisfaction, there would be no need for a Savior…no need for the comfort of His Holy Spirit…no need to seek Him.

As C. S. Lewis said, pain is “God’s megaphone” to get our attention. So today, I run to God again. He has my attention. He is my strong tower in time of sorrow. My refuge and comforter. The One who receives me, time and time again, into the shelter of His peace, so I can bury my face and tears in His embrace. Even when I don’t understand the whys.

Are you in a season of pain? Have you experienced infertility, hopelessness? Do you grieve a loss? Run to Jesus. He knows all your pains because He was a Man of sorrows and well-acquainted with grief. Rest in Him today. Let your pain take you to Him, that He might be your source of healing and your wellspring of praise. Trust Him to turn your mourning into joy.

Dear Jesus, we turn to You when we are beset by sorrows. Catch us up in the embrace of Your love, and heal our wounds. Send Your Comforter, Your Holy Spirit, to pour living water over our souls and revive our weary hearts. With a sacrifice to You of praise and thanksgiving, we lift up these prayers, O Christ…Amen.

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“We can ignore even pleasure. But pain insists upon being attended too. God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks in our conscience, but shouts in our pains: it is His megaphone to rouse a deaf world.” C. S. Lewis, The Problem of Pain

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